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(baca dengan nada kalem ya)

mama tadi kenapa masuk kamar aku langsung dengan nada tinggi begitu? aku gak ngelakuin apa2 loh mam. aku mau ke gereja tapi aku lagi gak kalem. emosi aku lagi meluap aku merasa aku gak akan bisa nahan emosi aku dan tetap kalem untuk ke gereja ketemu banyak orang. aku masi ada intensi buat ke gereja, akhirnya aku mikir utk gereja online. aku masi mau gereja offline loh tadi tp setelah aku ngomong ke papa dan papa liat aku masi nangis dan papa ngelus pipi aku, aku jadi emotional lagi karena akhirnya in a way papa in that moment is validating my feelings. something that i didnt feel selama lunch tadi. and then aku bilang ke papa mau gereja online aja. trus setelah mama tau mama masuk kamar aku dengan nada tinggi dan tone yang agresif nanya kenapa gamau gereja offline. aku pada saat itu lg siapin laptop mau buka livestream misa online yg tadi aku udah search di hp dan ketemu. at that moment mama lgsg nanya dengan ketusnya, “mau ngegame lagi?“ (contoh #2 u putting words in my mouth thinking its the truth). aku yang disaat itu abis merasa tersakiti semakin merasa disakiti ketika mama bereaksi begitu sama aku. mom, the reason i sometimes avoid interacting with u is bcos i realise i hurt u most of the times when we end up arguing. jadi aku pikir klo aku gak berinteraksi banyak sama mama aku mengurangi kemungkinan aku nyakitin mama. tapi mungkin itu bukan solusi yang bener. mungkin ada solusi yang lebih baik. tapi mom, sometimes i wish u know that u hurt me too. that in this cat and mouse game between us ure not the only one getting hurt. i feel so misunderstood, i never felt heard. im tired of being blamed for the things i dont mean. mom, we both have problems and i always try to understand that. but i need u to try to understand it too. our problem can’t be solved if only one of us works it out, i have to try to understand u and u have to try to understand me too. and mom, u cant forced someone to talk if theyre not ready. i need time to understand what im feeling and why im feeling that way. so next time when were not ready to talk abt things give it some time. dont force someone to pour all their heart and soul in the moment if theyre not ready. that’s all i have to say now. i’m still not feeling well emotionally right now so its best if u give me my space and time. but i love u just know that